© 2003 Thomas Strawser
© 2003 The Christian Fellowship of Students of The Urantia Book
I realized a short time ago that I trusted my horse more than I trusted God for quite a few years. I hate to admit this and it sounds almost sacrilegious when I see it in writing, but it’s true.
I love to ride horseback in the high Rocky Mountain wilderness country. These rides take me miles from the nearest road or phone. The rugged terrain, the weather, the grizzly bears, and other outdoor challenges do add some risk to this hobby. My mare, Lady, was an experienced mountain horse and thoroughly dependable. As we spent time together traveling this isolated mountain country, I learned to trust and rely on her experience and abilities.
One evening in late October we were going back to the trailhead. I had stayed too late in the back-country and a little snow was falling. The heavy cloud cover and the canopy of pine over the trail made the night pitch black over the last two miles of our ride. I had to ride with a hand extended in front ofmy face to prevent limbs from slapping me or hitting me in the eyes. I literally could not see Lady’s head or anything else — up, down, or sideways. It was total and complete darkness. I knew that just before we topped a small hill, the trail narrowed drastically until it was just Wide enough for her to walk. To make matters more risky, this narrow 100 yard section had a steep bank rising on one side and a 300 foot Sheer drop to the river on the Other side. If she slipped or went over the side in the darkness, I was going to be hurt or worse. I just had to trust her instincts and let her go.
It took me much longer to verify God’s dependability in my personal life. The time scale changes when I go from physical to spiritual arenas and my senses can not always validate the results of trusting God. I sometimes had trouble confirming the "cause and effect” relationship in spiritual matters.
The sound of the river’s rushing water told me that we were approaching this dangerous part of the trail. I simply kicked my feet out of the stirrups, let the reins go limp, and gave Lady her head. I could see nothing and only knew she was in the trail by feeling her balance and motion as she placed each hoof. She never slowed down or missed a step. She simply followed the trail and took us safely to the trailhead and the truck. I never even had a second thought or a doubt that she could do it. We had ridden this country together for many years and I knew what she could do. I just simply trusted her judgment and ability. We both had done our jobs. Mine was to completely let go of the reins so I could not influence her and her’s was to take me to
Now, in retrospect, this trust was not something that came with the horse. Nor was it an overnight accomplishment. I had not trusted her like this when we first went into the mountains. In fact, I was a novice with horses and was actually a little afraid of them. But I slowly came to appreciate and trust Lady’s abilities. In other words, she had earned my trust through our experiences together. To me today, this serves as an example of acquiring true trust.
I had started my spiritual journey well before I bought Lady. However, I learned to completely trust this horse before I learned to trust God. There were different reasons for this. Lady’s dependability was on a physical level — something I could see. As I trusted her to do something, I could verify the immediate “cause and effect” results. For example, when I let her pick our trail in the mountains, she always chose the correct way. I also knew that she wasn’t going to take over if I didn’t let her — I had the reins — I was in control. She would only do what I let her do.
It took me much longer to verify God’s dependability in my personal life. The time scale changes when I go from physical to spiritual arenas and my senses can not always validate the results of trusting God. I sometimes had trouble confirming the “cause and effect” relationship in spiritual matters. If I pray to God, how can I immediately “see” results the way I could see what happened when I trusted Lady?
My free will choice works with God the way it worked with my mare. I have to let go of the reins and give Him the freedom and permission to do His part in my life. He won’t just take control. He doesn’t try to take the reins away from me either, but only participates in my life as much as I let Him.
Now it has taken me years to trust God as much as I did that mare. Sometimes I still have a problem doing it. I seem to set certain areas of my life aside and don’t want Him interfering in them. These are also the areas that cause me the most discomfort and misery. Worry, stress, anxiety, anger, fear, resentment, or guilt result when I do not give God the degree of trust I gave my horse. I felt none of these feelings when she brought me down the trail that night or Other nights. I simply trusted her. I trusted her with my health, my well-being and actually my life.
Today I need to regularly check what areas I am saying I trust God but then really follow my own path. Am I keeping my job, my finances, my relationships, or other areas for myself? Do I say I am allowing Him in but actually keeping Him just outside the door where He’ll be handy if I need Him? Do I tell myself that these are personal areas of my life — they don’t concern Him. Do I honestly trust Him or not? Will I go where this inner spiritual leading takes me even when I can’t see the path ahead? Do I have the trust and confidence in His guidance that I had in my horse on that dark night?
Trying to do God’s will is like climbing a mountain in the dark and He has the only flashlight in the group. He just lights up one small place at a time and that is the exact place my next foothold or handhold needs to be. My job is just to take that next illuminated step and trust the rest of the path to Him. But my nature is to want Him to illuminate the whole path ahead of me so I can see where I am going. So I can be sure I am heading the right way. If I can trust a horse to pick my path in total darkness, why can’t I trust my Father?
Do I say I am allowing Him in but actually keeping Him just outside the door where He’ll be handy if I need Him?..Do I honestly trust Him or not? Will I go where this inner spiritual leading takes me even when I can’t see the path ahead? Do I have the trust and confidence in His guidance that I had in my horse on that dark night?
Life is wonderful and is a continuous learning process. I have been fortunate to encounter many teachers on my journey but I have to be teachable — willing to learn. Even if the teacher is a horse.
Thomas Strawser was introduced to The Urantia Book in 1983 and found answers to life-long questions. He and his wife Barbara joined the 1st Urantia Society of Oklahoma in 1984. The truth and value of these teachings sustained and guided them through the death of a teenage daughter and Tom’s total blindness in 1994. Another test of the teachings came when Barb died in 2001. Tom believes he was truly blessed with the Urantia revelation. God and Lady is the closing of his 4th CD describing his practical application of the UB teachings. These CDs are available at www.mylivingsolutions.com
“The fluctuations of the Father’s presence are not due to the changeableness of God. The Father does not retire in seclusion because he has been slighted; his affections are not alienated because of the creature’s wrongdoing. Rather, having been endowed with the power of choice (concerning Himself), his children, in the exercise of that choice, directly determine the degree and limitations of the Father’s divine influence in their own hearts and souls. The Father has freely bestowed himself upon us without limit and without favor.” [The Urantia Papers, UB 3:1.12]