© 1999 Bob Slagle
© 1999 International Urantia Association (IUA)
Bob Slagle
Sebastopol, California, USA
The Urantia Book and human history reflect the consciousness-numbing fact that for endless millennia, children throughout the world have been bought, sold, traded, abused, and exterminated. Our children are a vulnerable subunit of society—defenseless, rightsless, and with few defenders.
Even today, we see a parade of children being abused, both consciously and mostly unconsciously. Consider spanking. It has been irrefutably demonstrated and proven by very serious research that this form of punishment is not only ineffective, but it can also ensure that the child who is beaten will be traumatized as a child, aggressive as a teenager, and depressed as an adult (Laub & Sampson, 1995; Rohner et al., 1991; Straus, 1995). However, polls suggest that over 90% of Americans spank their children. In contrast, the innocent, primitive bush people of the Kalahari never beat their children. They believe that if you hit a child, it closes its heart. Deeply insightful and socially acceptable forms of child abuse have been discovered by groups of theorists such as Bowen, Bradshaw, Adler, Dreikers, and the Swiss psychiatrist Alice Miller. In her books For Your Own Good (1990), Thou Shalt Not Be Aware (1996), and The Drama of the Gifted Child (1998), she portrays the mechanism of unconscious abuse, a pernicious pedagogy innocently passed down from generation to generation, a repression and a diabolical shame that breaks the spirit, and is very difficult to heal completely, even from the vantage point of the adult (Goldenberg and Goldenberg 1991, p. 156).
It is clear that humanity is in deep need of a blueprint for healthy, functioning family systems. The Urantia Book offers guiding principles, illustrated by stories spanning the millennium, that can serve as models for healing the havoc in our families. By studying and applying these principles and their derived methods, we can create a basis for loving cooperation in the home.
In this article I will establish the supreme role of the family as reflected in this great epochal revelation, describe Jesus’ approach to family harmony, and discuss the practice of family reunions that is based both on the Andite family councils and the practices on the many levels of the universal way of government. This brief overview will hopefully serve as an impetus for individuals and families to initiate and advance these practices.
We are all members of one family, the family of God. The support and recognition given to the family in The Urantia Book virtually exhausts human concepts of its importance and supremacy.
it is the family which plays the major civilizing role UB 82:0.2
The family is … the only hope for the survival of civilization . . . UB 84:8.6
The most effective social group of all is the family . . . UB 160:2.4
Family life is worth any price, any sacrifice UB 160:2.6
As the preceding quotes demonstrate, the family is the supreme influence, as well as the vehicle of expression and growth, on the individual, familial, racial, planetary and cosmic levels:
A Primary Supernaphim, chief of the Urantia Seraphim, says: The family is vitally linked to the mechanism of self-maintenance; it is the sole hope of race perpetuation under the mores of civilization, while at the same time it most effectively provides certain highly satisfactory forms of self-gratification. UB 84:6.8
To raise cosmic citizens, children of eternal destiny, is a privilege which inspires parents to preserve them in the midst of family life. No surviving mortal, midwayer, or seraphim may ascend to Paradise, attain the Father, and be mustered into the Corps of the Finality without having passed through that sublime experience of achieving parental relationship to an evolving child … The relationship of child and parent is fundamental to the essential concept of the Universal Father and his universe children. Therefore does such an experience become indispensable to the experiential training of all ascenders. UB 45:6.4
Family life is the progenitor of true morality, the ancestor of the consciousness of loyalty to duty. The enforced associations of family life stabilize personality and stimulate its growth through the compulsion of necessitous adjustment to other and diverse personalities. But even more, a true family—a good family—reveals to the parental procreators the attitude of the Creator to his children, while at the same time such true parents portray to their children the first of a long series of ascending disclosures of the love of the Paradise parent of all universe children. UB 84:7.30
…[T]he family represents to the young child all that he can first know of either human or divine relationships. The child must derive his first impressions of the universe from the mother’s care; he is wholly dependent on the earthly father for his first ideas of the heavenly Father UB 177:2.5
The importance of family life on our world is also emphasized by the midwayers: It is our sincere belief that the gospel of Jesus’ teaching, founded as it is on the father-child relationship, can hardly enjoy a world-wide acceptance until such a time as the home life of the modern civilized peoples embraces more of love and more of wisdom. UB 177:2.6
The supreme importance of family life is not unique to our planet. The peoples of a continental nation on a neighboring planet …regard the home as the fundamental institution of their civilization. It is expected that the most valuable part of a child’s education and character training will be secured from his parents and at home, and fathers devote almost as much attention to child culture as do mothers. UB 72:3.4
The human family does not survive death, but it can contribute to individual survival, through the values, habits, self-control and satisfactions that are fostered by family life. In addition, the family forms the basis of brother-sister relationships, where parents and children learn patience, tolerance, constancy and altruism, all essential to the realization of brotherhood among peoples.
Jesus understood this deeply, and his life served as an impeccable model for parents. I am particularly impressed by the conversation which Jesus had with John Mark on that Wednesday which the boy spent alone with God on the hills of Judea. Jesus made it abundantly clear that our early years of family life are of great importance to us, not only in this life and on the mansion worlds, but also throughout eternity. A human being’s entire afterlife is enormously influenced by what happens during the first few years of existence. UB 177:2.5
The Master’s vision of the vital parental role led him to serve as father to his earthly family for nearly twenty years. (UB 126:3.2) He persisted until his baptism in contributing to the family finances and in taking a keen personal interest in the spiritual welfare of each of his brothers and sisters. (UB 129:0.1) To Jesus, the philosophy of life—on earth and hereafter—centered on the family. He based his teachings about God on the family, while he sought to correct the Jewish tendency to pay undue honor to their ancestors. He praised family life as the highest human duty. (UB 140:8.14) Jesus rightly concluded that the care of his earthly father’s family should take precedence over all other duties, and that the support of his family should be his first obligation. (UB 126:3.5)
How can we, in these times of challenge and great change, be worthy of such high ideals? Inspired by the principles of The Urantia Book, we can invent methods adapted to the needs of our time. First, we must clarify the complex problems of the day, such as the dignity of the child’s free will.
On our planet, for ages, children were regarded as property. Through the revelations, parents are shifting from this notion of ownership to that of having the privilege of parenthood—from thinking of one’s children as possessions to being grateful for the honor of being temporary guardians of God’s children. The true goal of parenthood is to gradually shift from the traditional parental role, with its frequent selfishness, to the brotherly role and even the fatherly role and its modification to selflessness.
“Gradually” is the key word here. The wise parent seeks to nurture the dignity of each child’s free will at a pace appropriate to his or her development: not too fast, so as not to overburden the immature child with too much freedom, and not too slowly, so as not to foster too much dependency and stifle moral and creative growth. What a challenge!
It appears that all sentient beings in the master universe must respect free will. This universal policy is clearly demonstrated by the seraphim known as “The Law Prognosticators.” In Nebadon the laws originate in the legislative assemblies of the Constellations …laws designed to afford the greatest possible co-ordination of a whole constellation consistent with the fixed policy of noninfringement of the moral free will of personal creatures [UB 39:3.3]. Even the divine and perfect Adjusters always submit to your will [UB 110:2.1, UB 107:7.5, UB 111:2.1].
What do these mandates imply for human relationships, especially with our companions and children? If the absolute fragment of the Father refuses to encroach upon the free will of his mortal host, even in the most discreet way, what right have we to violate the free will of one of our companions? (UB 54:1.9). Yet if one of our fellows does not possess active free will, this decree must be adjusted to suit the situation.
The child whose development of free will is tenderly emerging is exactly such a case. This is one of the powerful reasons why parenting is such a monumental and sacred responsibility. How should we approach and accomplish this task in a way that fully respects our children’s free will by acting as responsible parents?
Jesus shows us the way in the way he conducts himself with his earthly brothers and sisters. It appears that he instituted an ingenious technique: the use of family meetings, or the practice of family councils. Nevertheless, this is not the first time that The Urantia Book mentions such practices. Thirty-five thousand years ago the Andites held family meetings. They did not maintain the patriarchal or autocratic form of family government. They were very brotherly and associative, freely and frankly discussing every proposal and regulation of a family nature. [UB 84:7.29]
The Book says little more concerning the manner in which the Andites held their family councils. But it does contain one recommendation: The Chief Seraphim of Urantia said: Human society would be greatly improved if the civilized races would more generally return to the family-council practices of the Andites [UB 84:7.29]. Remember that the Andites were the superhuman offspring of the Adamite-Nodite crossbreeding. (UB 78:4.1, UB 80:4.3).
The history of the Andites provides little information, so I turn to Jesus to study how he cared for his earthly family, for his divine mind certainly knew (all there is to know) about the Andites. From the way the story of the family reunions unfolds, it becomes clear that Jesus instituted a heavenly decision-making process—a valid process.
During the “nineteenth year” I find the most explicit directions concerning the essential relationships of the family and family councils. Jesus invariably used the positive method of exhortation. He refrained from placing emphasis on evil by forbidding it, while he exalted the good by commanding its performance [UB 127:4.2]. The family council and the prayer time were held together. And Jesus used wise discipline early in the training of his brothers and sisters. One of the key words of the family was “fairness.” Decisions concerning family problems seem to have been made by consensus, taking effect only when there was unanimous agreement.
What surprised me most about Jesus’ family councils was the absence of arbitrary, authoritarian punishment for any misdeed or violation of family rules. Even a punishment unanimously approved by all could not be meted out without the willing cooperation of the person offended. (UB 127:4.3) When I first read this passage, I thought it must be an impossible solution. A child would obstruct or refuse to consent to punishment unless he or she were forced to do so. But in over thirty years of experience as a psychologist and marriage, family, and child counselor, I have discovered the validity of Jesus’ method. In fact, continued resistance turns out to be rare in the family council process.
The story concerning little Jude is a poignant example. On three occasions when it was deemed wise to punish Jude for self-confessed and deliberate violations of the family rules of conduct, his punishment was fixed by the unanimous decree of the older children and was assented to by Jude himself before it was inflicted [UB 127:4.3].
From personal experience, the most important feature of family councils is reaching decisions by mutual agreement (Slagle, 1985). Many families who have tried majority rule, direct parental authority, and other techniques have found that consensus works best. Consensus fosters patience and encourages compromise and cooperation. Everyone, including every child, has equal and absolute power to veto family council decisions. It is acceptable to convince family members of a point of view, but coercion should be avoided. This is in keeping with God’s mandate that creaturely free will is inviolable.
As a teacher and therapist, I encourage parents to guide the child through the family council agenda to allow his free will to act according to his level of development. It is important that parents not use their seniority to frustrate the decisions of a family council. Never should a righteous cause be promoted by force; spiritual victories can be won only by spiritual power [UB 159:3.2]. Gradually, parents as well as children will come to depend on agreements originating in family councils (agreements recorded in a notebook) and recognizing the justice and power of the process.
Why should something so seemingly simple and commonplace as a family council be approved by such high celestial authority as was used in its last bestowal by the God of our universe? Consider the parallel between the consensus nature of the family councils of Jesus and the judgments on the highest levels of the superuniverse. Consider this: Lucifer, Satan, and Caligastia all terminate their careers through the conclusions reached by a supermortal family council. When a creature has made a final, complete and unreal choice concerning his universe destiny, the broadcasts signifying his extinction are not issued without unanimity among the three Ancients of Days. This form of consensual justice is all the more impressive when we consider that the Ancients of Days are the strongest and most powerful of all the direct rulers of the time-space creations. (UB 18:3.7) Yet, in spite of all these powers and perfections of judgment, our Father in heaven requires that no action be taken until the sinner himself approves the justness of the verdict. (UB 54:3.2) This, too, is a kind of family conference, albeit a cosmically tragic one.
It appears that the Paradise Trinity embodies the noblest version of family councils. A Melchizedek of Nebadon states: [T]he Master, when on earth, admonished his followers that justice is never a personal act; it is always a group function. Neither do the Gods, as persons, administer justice. But they perform this very function as a collective whole, as the Paradise Trinity [UB 104:2.5]. From this trinitarian function I gather that great caution must be exercised when human parents seek to administer justice to their children by means of personal authority in place of group decisions based on family sovereignty. How do the Gods of the local universes make their decisions? They hold celestial family councils: Nevertheless, there is an ideal of marriage on the spheres on high. On the capital of each local system the Material Sons and Daughters of God do portray the height of the ideals of the union of man and woman in the bonds of marriage and for the purpose of procreating and rearing offspring [UB 83:8.5]. [T]he Son and the Spirit function together, and in no creative act does the one do aught without the counsel and approval of the other [UB 33:3.8]. This embraces the consensus component of the family councils.
As you may recall, at the jubilee of jubilees the Mother Spirit swears loyalty and obedience to the Creator Son. The Creator Son, in return, acknowledges her eternal dependence and equality as joint ruler of his universe domains. And this becomes the transcendent pattern for the family organization and government of even the lowly creatures of the worlds of space. This is, in deed and in truth, the high ideal of the family and the human institution of voluntary marriage. [UB 33:3.6]
It thus seems that from the lowest to the highest, from Urantia to Salvington, from Uversa to Paradise and beyond, the idea of a family council is the fabric of universal government and justice. It is no wonder that we are led into the family council practices of the Andites. The celestial model of family life encourages parents to cast off the pseudo-sovereignty of personal authority and to relax into the joy and light of consensual agreements — family sovereignty — Jesus’ approach to family harmony.
Goldenberg I. and Goldenberg, H. (1991). Family Therapy: An Overview (3rd ed., chap. 7, Theory and Practice of Bowen’s Approach. p. 156.)
Laub, J. H. and Sampson, RJ (1995) The long-term effect of punitive discipline. In J. McCord (Ed): Coercion and punishment in long-term perspectives (pp. 247-258). Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press.
Miller, A. (1990) For Your Own Good (H. Hannum and H. Hannum, Trans.) New York: Farrar, Straus and Ginoux.
Miller, A. (1996). The Drama of the Gifted Child (R. Ward, Trans) New York: Harper Collins.
Miller, A. Hannum, H. and Hannum, H. (1998) Thou Shalt Not Be Aware. New York: Ferrar Straus and Ginoux.
Rohner, R. P., Kean, KJ, & Cournoyer, DE (1991). The effects of corporal punishment, perceptions of caregiver kindness, and cultural beliefs on children’s psychological adjustment in St. Kitts, West Indies. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 53, 681-693.
Slagle R. W. (1985). A Family Meeting Handbook: Accompanying Family Harmony Happily. Sebastopol, California; Family Relations Foundation Press.
Straus, M. A. (1995). Child corporal punishment, adult depression, and suicidal fixation. In J. McCord (Ed). Coercion and punishment in long-term perspectives (pp. 59-77). Cambridge, England. Cambridge University Press.