© 2010 Jean-Louis Fournier
© 2010 French-speaking Association of Readers of the Urantia Book
Editor’s note: Here are two extracts from the aforementioned book.
The theme:
God is bored and looking for a job on earth.
He has to go through a series of job interviews…
...Can I get you something? the personnel manager asks God.
I would like to, yes.
Whiskey or fruit juice?
A little whiskey, please.
Did you invent alcohol?
It's a big responsibility!
I know, but I have extenuating circumstances.
That is to say?
I had hidden it, in the fruits, in the vegetables,
in plants, but they managed to find it.
You still invented it, why?
When things are going badly, I like to be a little tipsy. It helped me a lot when I had my problems with my son, otherwise I don't know what I would have done. I was capable of anything, I could have done the irreparable.
Would you have gone so far as to kill yourself?
Of course. I tried, but, unfortunately, I'm immortal; and when you have big problems, it's a real pain.
I understand. You have to pray.
Pray to who?
Buddha, Yahweh, Allah, Jupiter, Zeus, Siva...
There's no shortage of gods.
These are pseudonyms.
Who is behind it?
You can't guess?
I have my little idea.
Me, of course, to give men the impression that they are free to choose their god. It’s like televisions, only the name changes; the inside is the same thing.
THE TOP 50 GODS
God arrived very late with a big bag.
The director welcomed him with particular warmth.
He asked her for the last interview to get it off her chest.
Can I tell you? the personnel manager asks God.
Of course, God replied.
So, now tell me what you blame men for the most.
Their ingratitude.
They know that I'm all alone up there, and yet never a phone call, never a little word, nothing, as if I didn't exist.
You have to get out of your kitchen. In large restaurants, at the end of the meal, the chef comes by to collect the observations of the guests, to know their opinions.
Why do we never see you?
Are you afraid of getting yelled at?
Not at all, but I know in advance what I'm going to hear.
They're all going to tell me that the beginning was good, the appetizers were perfect. It's the end of the meal that they don't like, they don't want to leave the table.
Maybe because that's when we pay.
Possible, says God.
It has happened to me sometimes, after a particularly successful sunset or a spring morning in bloom, to say to myself: “He really worked hard, I'm going to call him to congratulate him.” But at the same time I learn that an earthquake has just killed thousands of people.
You are truly capable of anything!
Best and worst, said God with a little smile.
But first we don't know how to reach you, and when by some miracle we find your number, it's always busy.
So you know what it is, we put it off and we don't do it.
What you say about my phone always being busy doesn't surprise me.
Monfils spends hours talking to his apostles.
They are remaking the world...
Jean-Louis Fournier