© 2012 Rosette Poletti and Barbara Dobbs
© 2012 French-speaking Association of Readers of the Urantia Book
¶ How to create an affirmation
In order to achieve maximum success and obtain the desired change, there are a few rules to follow when creating affirmations.
- Affirmations should be formulated in the present tense. This is an important aspect since the body-mind relationship is only changeable in the present tense. “I appreciate myself now as I am.” In this way, self-esteem increases and there is no dependence on others.
- Using the pronoun “I” is very important because it is impossible to affirm for someone else. The best way to be accepted by others and to accept them is to accept yourself. Accepting yourself allows you to accept others as they are, with their shadow and their bright side. It is through the acceptance of what is, that change becomes possible in oneself and in relationships with others. When a person has decided to change, it is themselves and no one else who can use affirmations and achieve their goal.
- Affirmations should be positive. The body is the servant of the mind. It often happens that we make the predictions we make to ourselves come true. This is called “self-fulfillment of predictions.” It is therefore essential to be careful what we say. “What we resist, persists.” Every time we express what we do not want, our body tends to make it come true.
- Affirmations are best when they are short. When an affirmation is brief, it is integrated more easily and quickly into our core beliefs, the affirmation is more powerful.
- The affirmation must have a specific meaning for the person who says it. If we affirm that we have everything we need to be happy here and now, this affirmation has a specific meaning and becomes very important.
- Affirmations must be close to the reality of the person saying them. When deciding to affirm something, it is necessary to be sure that it corresponds to our belief system. Affirmations become strong and powerful when they are close to our reality because this allows them to break through the resistance created by past programming.
- Affirmations should be specific. When a statement is too general, it is difficult for the person using it to process it. When the statement is specific, the mind can integrate it more easily.
- Affirmations should be repeated often, up to 100 times a day for 3 months. Repetition is said to be the mother of learning. So when an affirmation is repeated, it “imprints” itself on the mind and this new thought takes root. The meaning of this affirmation passes from the conscious level to the subconscious level through repetition.
The two best times to repeat affirmations to yourself are the moments after waking up and the moments before going to sleep. At these times, the affirmation directly accesses the subconscious. Affirmations are very useful because they neutralize the negative beliefs that are in our brain.
How to use an affirmation to increase our ability to integrate them quickly and easily into our lives.
- Choose an area of your life that you want to work on (relationship, work, self-esteem).
- Decide what you want to see happen in this dimension of your life.
- Formulate a simple sentence that expresses the desired goal.
- Let yourself be “inhabited” by this affirmation.
- Repeat this affirmation: when you wake up and before you fall asleep.
- Be patient and persevering.
¶ The role of affirmations in increasing self-esteem
The power of words is extraordinary. The mind and emotions have a significant impact on the nervous system and the immune system. So feelings such as depression, hopelessness, constant low self-esteem weaken the body while hope, joy, good self-esteem strengthen it. Shame has been identified as one of the aspects that contributes to emotional distress, low self-esteem and all sorts of behavioral problems. Affirmations are a simple and effective technique for overcoming the internal dialogue that creates shame. Every time we hear something that contributes to humiliating ourselves in our internal dialogue, say, “No, that’s not true.” These words cancel out the negative internal dialogue. We then formulate a positive affirmation that replaces the shameful thought with a loving thought.
Affirmations are like sentences that say yes to a person’s inner being. They are therefore very effective ways to build self-esteem. Acceptance of one’s inner being can be developed by saying: “I am me and I am good.” Other affirmations such as: “I love myself”, “I am lovable and capable”, “I am my best friend” or “I am a good companion to myself”, “I am special”, “I am unique”, “I like being me”, “I love myself as I am”, can be used to increase self-esteem in children as well as adults.
¶ Is the affirmation effective?
When the goal sought by the affirmation is felt or achieved, then we know that the affirmation is effective. If the result we seek is in the external world, it becomes visible when it is achieved. If what we seek is an inner change, we will know that we have achieved it by a feeling of inner well-being. It is at this moment that we will decide to move towards a new goal.
¶ Letting go of negative behaviors
When a person has low self-esteem, they tend to compare themselves to others, to devalue themselves, to criticize themselves and others, to speak badly of those around them, to spread unverified negative information aimed at diminishing others in order to feel a little better than them.
Wanting to increase self-esteem involves making the decision to:
- renounce all criticism of oneself and all criticism of others.
- stop comparing yourself to others.
- letting go of the habit of blaming and complaining. It’s about paying attention to what we say, refusing to talk about absent people behind their backs, devaluing ourselves or devaluing them. Letting go of negative behaviors means filtering what we say: Is what I want to say true, good, useful to others? Otherwise, I remain silent.
¶ Generosity
Practicing gratitude is a powerful antidote. It is about deciding to look at all the positive things that life brings, to become aware of all that we have received from those around us and to formulate this gratitude, to show our appreciation to all those with whom we come into contact, to all those with whom we share our life.
Becoming aware of all that we have and being grateful for it leads us to see that we can give without fear of lacking. On the contrary, giving is creating space to better receive. Practicing generosity is one of the ways to increase self-esteem; we can give: love, time, attention, help, objects, money, positive affirmations. It is always possible to give by starting today, now.
¶ Decision making
Being on the road, having decided on a goal to achieve, doing everything possible to achieve this goal is an important way of increasing self-esteem; this is made up of two elements: the inner conviction of having value as a person and the feeling of being competent.
Choosing a goal, putting everything in place to achieve it and succeeding in achieving it increases your self-esteem. It is not the importance of the goal that counts but rather the achievement of the project. Whether it is a personal or professional goal, the important thing is to be able to achieve it. It is important to set specific, achievable goals in order to put all the chances on your side. When a goal is achieved, we can move on to the next one. The more success there is, the more self-esteem increases.
Human beings are made to be “on the move”, to grow, to surpass themselves, this is how they increase and maintain their self-esteem.
¶ Creative visualization
The images and thoughts that inhabit our brain are generators of events in our life. What we construct in our mind constitutes the basis of a kind of prediction that will come true. Visualization, like affirmations, acts on the unconscious part of our brain and produces effects at the conscious level. One of the most important aspects of the unconscious is that it responds to suggestion. It can be influenced and directed and, thus, in turn it is capable of influencing the physical dimension of the organism. Creative visualization, also called “mental imagery”, consists of internal images consciously created by the person who “visualizes” from his imagination. These images are generally accompanied by sounds, smells, tastes or kinesthetic perceptions. It is therefore not at all essential to see the image mentally.
¶ Creative visualization is based on three important principles:
- Our beliefs about ourselves and the world govern our experience.
- Our mental images are predictions of what will happen to us.
- What we want from our life is what we get from it.
Visualizing is, in a way, playing a personal film inside the brain, a film of which we are the producer, the director and the main actor all at the same time. Visualizing allows:
- to bring into the field of consciousness what we really desire.
- to be in contact with the powers of our imagination.
- to allow information from the unconscious to emerge.
- to influence the functions of the organism.
¶ How does creative visualization work?
- The physical universe is “energy”. If our world appears to us as solid and made of things distinct from each other, it is, at more subtle levels, formed of increasingly fine particles. This energy also exists at the level of our thoughts and, in this way, our thoughts affect our organism and the world around us.
- Energy is “magnetic.” Energy of a particular quality or vibration tends to attract energy of the same quality and vibration. This is what happens when we “accidentally” meet someone we were thinking about or when we “stumble upon” a book containing the very information we needed.
- We attract to us what we think about the most, what we believe with the most conviction, what we desire most deeply.
¶ When and how to use visualization?
We can use visualization to increase our quality of life and self-esteem, improve a difficult relationship situation, prepare for success, regain health.
Visualization does not require any particular experience or specialized equipment. At the beginning, it can be useful to choose a place where relaxation is possible without being disturbed. In a comfortable position, simply relax while counting slowly from 10 to 1, then move on to the “visualization” phase. Our happiness and unhappiness are related to what we harbor in our minds, it is often the painful memories of childhood that prevent us from being happy and having good self-esteem. It is possible to heal this inner child in order to make self-esteem strong and this is what we offer you. It is not a miraculous cure but rather a gradual healing, layer by layer.
¶ Conclusion.
Self-esteem is the most fundamental viaticum that parents can give to their children through education. Good self-esteem allows one to love oneself, to understand oneself, to feel safe, to accept one’s strengths and weaknesses, to feel serene, positive and peaceful, to behave in an adequate manner and to be competent.
Too often, unfortunately, a child’s education does not allow him to build good self-esteem, which leads him to be an adult who feels insignificant, anxious, guilty, misunderstood, pessimistic and lonely. Fortunately, it is always possible to change this situation. It is about becoming aware of what is, taking responsibility for one’s life, changing one’s internal dialogue, modifying one’s erroneous thoughts. It is also about developing one’s capacity for compassion, honoring one’s convictions and changing one’s behavior by changing one’s thoughts, one’s language, by practicing gratitude, affirmations, visualization and by setting goals.
It all starts with awareness and the decision to change something, to move forward, then to choose at any moment to see what is being born, what is growing, what is happening and to use it to continue.
Finally, developing self-esteem means recognizing and developing the esteem of the Self, of one’s center, of one’s soul. It means being convinced that regardless of the circumstances of our birth, our childhood and our life, we are beings created in the image of God, unique and irreplaceable and that this allows us to develop within ourselves the certainty of having value and of being worthy of loving ourselves and being loved.
Rosette Poletti and Barbara Dobbs