© 1998 Bob Slagle
© 1998 The Brotherhood of Man Library
“The great hope of Urantia lies in the possibility of a new revelation of Jesus with a new and enlarged presentation of his saving message which would spiritually unite in loving service the numerous families of his present-day professed followers.” (UB 195:10.16)
In The Urantia Book the family concept portrays ideal relationships, even divine relationships, on the highest spiritual levels. We are all members of one family, the family of God. The endorsement and acknowledgement of “family” in this epochal revelation nearly exhausts our human concepts of supremacy and importance.
And from Rodan of Alexandria,
The privilege of rearing cosmic citizens, children of eternal destiny, inspires us to persevere through the trials of family life.
“No surviving mortal, midwayer, or seraphim may ascend to Paradise, attain the Father, and be mustered into the Corps of the Finality without having passed through that sublime experience of achieving parental relationship to an evolving child of the worlds or some other experience analogous and equivalent thereto. The relationship of child and parent is fundamental to the essential concept of the Universal Father and his universe children. Therefore does such an experience become indispensable to the experiential training of all ascenders… . . ” (UB 45:6.4) Also, “. . . parental experience is essential, the idea of procreating cosmic citizens, the enlarged understanding of the privilege of procreation-giving sons to the Father.” (UB 84:7.4) “The creation of new pictures out of old facts, the restatement of parental life in the lives of offspring-these are the artistic triumphs of truth.” (UB 48:6.33)
While the human family does not survive death, the earthly family may contribute to individual survival because of the values, habits, self-maintenance, and gratifications that are fostered in family life. A Primary Supernaphim, Urantia’s Chief of Seraphim says, “Love of offspring is almost universal and is of distinct survival value. . . .The animals love their children; man—civilized man—loves his children’s children.” (UB 84:7.10)
“Participation in family contributes mightily to social and personal progress. Pair marriage favors and fosters that intimate understanding and effective co-operation which is best for parental happiness, child welfare, and social efficiency.” (UB 83:6.8)
The same primary supernaphim from Paradise characterizes the home as, “civilization’s most useful and sublime institution. . . ” (UB 84:0.1) Later she says, “The family is vitally linked to the mechanism of self-maintenance; it is the sole hope of race perpetuation under the mores of civilization, while at the same time it most effectively provides certain highly satisfactory forms of self-gratification.” (UB 84:6.8)
The family is nearly all-important to the child. “The family represents to the young child all that he can first know of either human or divine relationships. The child must derive his first impressions of the universe from the mother’s care; he [or she] is wholly dependent on the earthly father for his first ideas of the heavenly Father.” (UB 177:2.5)
The importance of family life is certainly not unique to our planet. The people of a continental nation on a neighboring planet, “. . . regard the home as the basic institution of their civilization. It is expected that the most valuable part of a child’s education and character training will be secured from his parents and at home, and fathers devote almost as much attention to child culture as do mothers.” (UB 72:3.4)
Michael’s dedication to his earthly brothers and sisters of Joseph’s family should inspire any parent. Jesus served as father to his earthly family for almost a score of years. (UB 126:3.2) “The family occupied the very center of Jesus’ philosophy of life-here and hereafter. He based his teaching about God on the family, while he sought to correct the Jewish tendency to over honor ancestors. He exalted family life as the highest human duty… . . ” (UB 140:8.14)
Jesus’ dedication to his family was constantly being manifested. “Jesus rightly reasoned that the watchcare of his earthly father’s family must take precedence of all duties; that the support of his family must become his first obligation.” (UB 126:3.5)
He persisted, right up to his baptism, to contribute financially to the family and to take a deep personal interest in the spiritual welfare of every one of his siblings. (UB 129:0.1) And this demanding experience of supporting his family safeguarded against excess time for idle meditation or mystic indulgences. (UB 126:5.9)
Any commentary on spiritual family life should acknowledge the family’s contribution to true brotherhood. “Marriage, with children and consequent family life, is stimulative of the highest potentials in human nature and simultaneously provides the ideal avenue for the expression of those quickened attributes of mortal personality. The family provides for the biologic perpetuation of the human species. The home is the natural arena wherein the ethics of blood brotherhood may be grasped by the growing children. The family is the fundamental unit of fraternity in which parents and children learn these lessons of patience, altruism, tolerance, and forbearance which are so essential to the realization of brotherhood among all men.” (UB 84:7.28) So, the family is the essential arena for practicing love with one’s own siblings. These fraternal feelings and attitudes may eventually be generalized to include all humankind, even an entire universe of intelligent life.
“Family life is the progenitor of true morality, the ancestor of the consciousness of loyalty to duty. The enforced associations of family life stabilize personality and stimulate its growth through the compulsion of necessitous adjustment to other and diverse personalities. But even more, a true family-a good family-reveals to the parental procreators the attitude of the Creator to his children, while at the same time such true parents portray to their children the first of a long series of ascending disclosures of the love of the Paradise parent of all universe children.” (UB 84:7.30)
For ages, on our planet, children have been regarded as property. Enlightened parents must now learn to shift from the pride of ownership to the privilege of parenting, from thinking of one’s offspring as possessions, my children, to contemplating the honor of temporary custody of God’s children. The true goal of parenting is to gradually let go of our traditional parental role, with its often attendant selfishness, in favor of the brother-sisterly role, with its trend toward selflessness.
“Gradually” is the tricky word here. The wise parent strives to nourish the free-will dignity of each child at a developmentally appropriate rate, not so fast as to over burden the immature child with too much freedom, not so slow as to foster over dependency and stifle moral and creative growth. What a challenge!
It appears that all sentient beings in the master universe are bound to respect the free will of God’s children, it’s universe policy. This is instantiated clearly when we read of certain seraphim called Law Forcasters. “The intellectual foundation of justice is law, and in a local universe law originates in the legislative assemblies of the constellations. These deliberative bodies codify and formally promulgate the basic laws of Nebadon, laws designed to afford the greatest possible co-ordination of a whole constellation consistent with the fixed policy of non-infringement of the moral free will of personal creatures.” (UB 39:3.3) Indeed, even the perfectly divine Thought Adjusters, “are always subservient to your will.” (UB 110:2.1 cf.,UB 107:7.4 UB 111:1.8)
What do these mandates imply for our human relations with each other, especially with our mates and children? If the absolute fragment of the Father refuses ever to encroach on the mortal free will of his host, even in the slightest way, what right do I have, in any degree, to violate the free will of one of my fellows? (UB 107:3.9) Yet, if one of my kind does not have a functional free will, I would think that this decree would not hold in exactly the same way. And just such a case is that of the young developing child whose free will is tenderly emerging. To me this is one of the powerful reasons why parenthood is such a monumental, even sacred, responsibility. How do we approach and accomplish this task of fully respecting the free will of our children while acting as responsible parents? Jesus shows us the way in his conduct toward his earthly siblings. It appears that his vital technique was the use of Family Meetings or Family-Council practices.
Why so vital? I am particularly impressed with Jesus’ talk with John Mark that Wednesday the lad spent alone with God in the hills of Judea. Jesus made it perfectly clear that our early family life affects us greatly, not merely in this life and on the mansion worlds, but throughout all eternity. A human being’s entire after life is enormously influenced by what happens during the first few years of existence. (UB 177:2.5) The importance of family life to our world is emphasized in comments made by the midwayers: “It is our sincere belief that the gospel of Jesus’ teaching, founded as it is on the father-child relationship, can hardly enjoy a world-wide acceptance until such a time as the home life of the modern civilized peoples embraces more of love and more of wisdom.” (UB 177:2.6) I am convinced that Family Meetings provide a sure way to augment both love and wisdom in the home.
I was, at first, taken aback by the style of Family Meetings Jesus practiced with his brothers and sisters. What surprised me most was the total absence of arbitrary or authoritarian punishment for any wrongdoing or infractions of family rules, not even by their father (Jesus). In fact, an offending youngster had to voluntarily agree to the consequence or punishment before it was enforced. (UB 127:4.3) When I first read this story I thought this an impossible situation. A child would surely filibuster or refuse to agree to punishment if he or she were not forced. Wouldn’t you?
As the Family Meeting story unfolds it becomes clear that Jesus instituted a heavenly decision-making process. And one that really works.
As father to his brothers and sisters after Joseph’s death, Jesus used democratic Family Meetings, and in so doing, underscored a universal truth. “Justice is never a personal attitude; it is always a plural function.” (UB 10:6.2) I believe that the ramifications of this statement for parenting and family governance are profound, far reaching, and challenging for any parent who truly wants to follow the teachings of our Creator Son.
The Chief of Seraphim of our planet says, “Human society would be greatly improved if the civilized races would more generally return to the family-council practices of the Andites.” (UB 84:7.29) Recall that the Andites were themselves superhuman, being the progeny of the Adamites and the Nodites. (UB 78:4.2, UB 80:4.3)
What were the family-council practices of the Andites? This Primary Supernaphim further qualifies the nature of these Family Meetings by saying, “They did not maintain the patriarchal or autocratic form of family government. They were very brotherly and associative, freely and frankly discussing every proposal and regulation of a family nature.” (UB 84:7.29)
The book has little more to say on the way the Andites held their family-councils. I turned to Jesus to study the way he parented his own earthly family, for his divine mind surely knew (everything there is to know) about the family practices of the Andites.
In the section titled “The Nineteenth Year,” I find the most explicit directions regarding the essentials of Family Meetings. Jesus invariably used the positive method of exhortation. He refrained from emphasizing evil by forbidding it. Family Meeting and prayer time went together. Jesus used wise discipline early in his siblings’ training. A watchword of the family was “fairness.” (UB 127:4.2, UB 134:9.1) I have concluded that decisions relating to family matters were made unanimously, and that even punishment was agreed upon by all and even awaited the voluntary agreement of the offending person before being imposed. The story regarding little Jude is a poignant example. “On three occasions when it was deemed wise to punish Jude for self-confessed and deliberate violations of the family rules of conduct, his punishment was fixed by the unanimous decree of the older children and was assented to by Jude himself before it was inflicted.” From this passage, among others, I infer the importance of unanimous decisions, the consensual decision-making process in Family Meetings.
In my experience, the most important feature of Family Meetings is to make every decision by unanimous agreement. Many families which have tried majority rule, direct parental authority, and other techniques have found that consensus works best. This means being patient and allowing for compromises and consensus building. Everyone, including each child, has equal and absolute veto power in Family Meeting decisions. It is okay to persuade family members toward a point of view but the taint of coercion should be avoided at all costs. This is aimed to comply with the divine mandate that creature will is inviolate. I reiterate, even the highest of spirit essences, the divine Adjusters, subordinate themselves to the human will. “The Adjusters respect your sovereignty of personality. . . ” (UB 110:2.1)
I encourage parents to wisely and patiently shepherd the agenda of Family Meetings to allow a child the voting power appropriate to his or her developmental level. It is important for parents not to “pull rank,” by arbitrarily negating a Family Meeting decision. Gradually, parents and children alike will come to rely on Family Meeting decisions and recognize the fairness and empowerment in the process. “Never should a righteous cause be promoted by force; spiritual victories can be won only by spiritual power.” (UB 159:3.2)
Why would something so seemingly simple and mundane as Family Meetings meet with such high celestial approval as to be used by the Lord of a Universe in this culminating bestowal? Consider the parallel between the consensual nature of Jesus’ Family Meetings and the technique of adjudication on the highest superuniverse levels. Think about this: Lucifer, Satan, and Caligastia all end their careers with a supra-mortal Family Meeting. When a creature has made a final and a complete choice of unreality as his universe destiny, the extinction broadcast is not issued until there is unanimity among all three of the Ancients of Days. This form of consensual justice is all the more impressive when we consider that the Ancients of Days are the most powerful, perfect, divine, and mighty rulers in the time-space creations. (UB 18:3.7) Yet, despite all this power and perfection of judgment, our Heavenly Father requires that no action be taken until the sinner himself approves of the justness of the verdict. (UB 19:3.5, UB 54:3.3, UB 53:9.3) So this, too, is a kind of Family Meeting, albeit a cosmic and tragic one.
It looks to me like the Paradise Trinity reveals the loftiest version of Family Meetings. A Melchizedek of Nebadon states, “The Master, when on earth, admonished his followers that justice is never a personal act; it is always a group function. Neither do the Gods, as persons, administer justice. But they perform this very function as a collective whole, as the Paradise Trinity.” (UB 104:2.5) From this group Trinity function I infer a mighty admonition overhead when human parents seek to rule their children by personal authority in place of group decisions founded on family sovereignty.
How do the Gods of local universes make decisions? You guessed it. They hold celestial Family Meetings; “. . . there is an ideal of marriage on the spheres on high. On the capital of each local system the Material Sons and Daughters of God do portray the height of the ideals of the union of man and woman in the bonds of marriage and for the purpose of procreating and rearing offspring.” (UB 83:8.5) “. . . .both the Son and the Spirit function together, and in no creative act does the one do aught without the counsel and approval of the other.” (UB 33:3.8) This embodies the consensual component of Family Meetings. As you may recall, at the jubilee of jubilees the Mother Spirit pledges to the Creator Son fidelity and obedience. He, in turn, acknowledges eternal dependence on her and equality with her as co-ruler of their domains. “And this becomes the transcendent pattern for the family organization and government of even the lowly creatures of the worlds of space. This is, in deed and in truth, the high ideal of the family… . . ” (UB 33:3.6)
So, it appears that from the lowest to the highest, from Earth to Salvington and on to Uversa and beyond, the Family Meeting idea is the fabric of universe governance and justice. No wonder we are directed to return to the family-council practices of the Andites. The heavenly model of family life encourages parents to unburden themselves of the pseudo-sovereignty of personal authority and release themselves into the joy and light of consensual agreements-family sovereignty—the Jesusonian approach to family harmony.
All the love we come to know in life springs from the love we knew as children.
Anon.